Case # 7365311 – March 7th, 12:14 PM. Suspect is a blonde female over the age of thirty. She identifies herself as Kit Mercer and is filed under our Must Implement Liberal Frisking, or MILF, category. She is observed acting suspiciously in the jewelry department of the store, and the Officer acts quickly to in her. In the Loss Prevention office, he demands that she remove her sweater, discovering the stolen items in her undergarments.

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